


I'm a Doctor, Not a Babysitter

by NotQuiteHumanAnymore



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Kid Fic, everyone gets turned into a baby!au, jean needs to learn not to accept packages from strangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 02:21:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11522520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotQuiteHumanAnymore/pseuds/NotQuiteHumanAnymore
Summary: Everyone in the X-Mansion gets turned into an infant, save Jean and Emma, who are left to deal with the magical fallout.





	I'm a Doctor, Not a Babysitter

"I'm telling you, Em,” Jean said wrestling a squirming baby Magneto into a harness, ignoring the burning question of  _ why was he even here in the first place _ , in favor of making sure he didn’t wander off, “ the guy was a complete stranger, just walked up and gave me the bag." Emma looked at Jean with no small measure of incredulous rage in her brilliant eyes. The effect was slightly undermined by the fact that Kurt had a fistful of her hair and Illyana was trying to balance on her spine.

“And you  _ took it?!” _ Emma demanded. “Of all the half-cocked-” 

“Soft voices, Emma-” Jean begged, finally locking the harness around the pouting Erik’s chest. “He seemed nice enough, and he said he was a friend of the Professor’s! How was I supposed to know?” Emma leveled a dry look at her girlfriend.

“Jean, from the top of your head, how many friends does the Professor have?” Jean felt her cheeks heat as the truth of that inquiry hit her. There may have been many people who respected and looked up to Professor Xavier, but he had very few people he could truly call  _ friends _ .

“Well-”

“It was probably Mystique, wasn’t it?” Emma continued. Jean bit her lip, tucking her hair behind her ear as she reached down and snatched Kitty up before she could run into any more walls. Kitty giggled and poked the miniaturized Magneto’s cheek.

“Yeah, probably.” Jean admitted. “But I don’t know what good  _ this _ does her.” Jean waved a hand around at the vague destruction that only a houseful of unsupervised children could wreak. She was just glad that most of their mutations hadn’t transferred over to their baby forms. 

“Distraction?” Emma suggested, her voice muffled. Jean stifled a giggle as she saw her girlfriend making faces at a fascinated Nightcrawler. “Getting the X-Men out of play?”

“Let’s just focus on getting the everybody  _ back to normal _ .” Jean suggested. If Mystique really was plotting something, then they would need to be ready, army of infants or not.

“This reeks of magic. You know what that means,” Emma sing-songed. Illyana clapped her hands and Jean flinched, waiting for the soul-sword to appear, or for some sort of demon-magic to manifest and eat them for dinner. She sighed in relief when all that happened was Illyana giggling and rolling off Emma’s back.

“We can’t leave them here,” Jean said, looking at the children lined up on various pillows in the foyer. Thank god children who had recently been adults knew the importance of naptime. Emma thought for a second before her eyes lit on the phone by the door.

“Do you think that the Sorcerer Supreme would be listed in the phone book?” Jean stuck out her tongue. She had nothing really  _ against _ the Avengers, but if they had to call one of the Avengers, Jean would prefer it be one of their own, too.

“Can we call Wanda instead?”

“And say what, ‘hey, Wanda, we know you and your family kind of hate the X-Men right now, but we need your help undoing some sort of magic we don’t understand and that you’ve probably never studied, and also your dad has been turned into an infant please come babysit’?” Emma shook her head. “Besides, she’s still off the grid doing family time with the boys.” Jean sighed. 

“Fine,” She relented, realizing that she had no other alternatives. “Call Doctor Strange. I’m going to go put Kitty in the play pen.”

“Take Kurt with you,” Emma said, sticking out her leg, where Kurt was still attached to her. She was already dialing as Jean held out her hand and led her friend over to where they had set up their watch station. Kitty and Kurt babbled away as she placed them in their kid-friendly prison, turned, and did another headcount. A missing X-Man, and a de-aged one at that, would be cause for serious alarm. 

She hit the number thirteen and decided that she was never having kids.

She sat down with a sigh, swatting Erik’s hand away as he tried to yank her hair. Again. What was it with infants and  _ hair? _ She was reasonably certain that she would never understand children.

Emma came back over, plopping Illyana unceremoniously in the pack-n-play with her friends and joined Jean on the couch. 

“So he laughed for about three minutes straight, but he’ll help us.”

“Good,” Jean sighed as Emma rested her head on Jean’s shoulder. “It can be his problem now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble 3! Gotta admit, this one was the most fun. Or, at least, this one was the most ridiculous, and we all know those are the ones I enjoy writing most.  
> I'm on tumblr @scarletwix!


End file.
